Friday, January 8, 2010

Story Comp Winner :)

projectholds
Boy did we get some stories... did we get some stories :) Whomever entered the comp is here, their names have been removed to, well, protect their shame!!

There were a bunch of entries over 50 words, but we let that slide :) the WINNER, ah the winner is in red.

Here are the entries:

1) Bouldering in Central Park, cop’s horse takes a massive dump in our proximity. Hour later a tourist is standing atop a slab with his dog. Dog gets spooked, pulls the man down the slab, time slows, and the guy does a face plant in the manure! (NP)

2) I was in Red Rocks doing some sport climbing and when my climber got to the top, I took in the rope and sat back - right into a cactus. I was pulling cactus barbs out of my ass for half an hour. (AE)

3) While walking across a dam to a local bouldering area, the rock we all had used to cross toppled under my friends foot and down he went. To avoid hypothermia, he took off his freezing-water drenched clothes until he was wearing only boxers, put on one of our down-jackets and proceeded to climb extraordinarily well without the weight of his clothing... still... you can never unsee the sight of a grown man climbing in his boxers. (JP)

4) A busy Frogland in Red Rocks. An ill G laid out a Space Blanket, squatted and EXPLOSION. Probably 25% on target and 75% on the back wall. Frantically, he packed the foil into his camera case, washed the wall with water and rapped off as the next party approached the ledge. (AC)

5) It was my first trip to Smith Rock, and i was SO PSYCHED to be there. I was a bit impatient on the approach walk and headed straight for the busiest are and set my stuff down at the base of an unoccupied climb. Wasting no time, i threw on my shoes and tied in. After a surprisingly difficult sequence off the ground and the typical Smith Rock 20ft. run out to the first bolt, i realized that there as not a single quickdraw or carabiner on my harness. It must have been amusing for the 40 or so other people in the area to watch me humbly downclimb and almost come off... twice. (GS)

6) I was in Bishop, California camping and bouldering at the Buttermilks.It was mid-afternoon, and I snuck into the field across the dirt road from the boulders to shit.I was leaning against a rock, pants at my ankles, thinking I was out of view, and a station wagon drove by. All I could do was wave. (RS)

7) Marty and I were bolting a route at the Projects, Arizona, and had sat down for a drink . As we got ready to climb the route, I asked Marty, "Dude, have you seen my belay device?" he answered, "Have you checked between your legs?" Sure enough, there it was on my harness. (RO)

8) Ok, so my friends and I headed down to the Red for the weekend about 5 or 6 weeks ago. As we hiked to the Solarium we kept giving one of my friends crap because he kept dropping stuff on the way there (At which point he would chase it frantically). Needless to say he was getting kinda upset. Once at the crag he placed his bag down and told us to stop, as he said that a spider crawled up his bag, he grabbed my friends guide book to kill it. He wound up to swing at it and on his swing the guidebook slipped out of his hand and flew down the hillside tumbling into the thick bushes (Probably full of poison ivy) We all immediately started laughing historically at him. In the end he had to go get the book as he fell over branches and other wooden items. It was very funny and he was a great sport about it. Now whenever we give him a guide book we quickly respond with LOOK OUT!!! (AB)

9) There is a cliff beside a highway my friends and I climb so I climbed it in a red one piece long underwear suit. When I was halfway up I slipped, the flap opened from under my harness and showed the drivers (who didn't hold back the honking) everything. (ET)

10) My boyfriend and I wanted to get a family discount at our local gym. When asked if we were married he hesitated and I insisted that we were married. They gave us the discount, but on our next visit they said they needed proof. We doctored up fake marriage license to try and save 15$. They ended up being jerks to us from then on, so we never renewed. (JH)

11) I weigh quite a bit more than my girlfriend, who was belaying me. When I slipped and took a huge whipper about 30 feet at Red River Gorge. My girlfriend flew up to the first bolt where me and her eventually collided. A "crag dad", who had been annoying us all day, seized the opportunity to lecture us on proper climbing and belay technique. I sat there and took it instead of telling the guy to F*** off. (QH)

12) While climbing at the local boulder spot in the hills above town, I found myself needing to take a piss break. I walked down the hill from our project to a tight turn in the path, had just unzipped and started doing my business when I heard my friend fall and let out a yell of surprise. I turned around to see him essentially surfing the stack of pads down the dirt path. We both wound up landing in the bushes past where the trail turned, unwounded apart my dignity. That trip more than most I found myself needing a shower afterward. We never spoke of it. (JF)

13) I finally convinced my girlfriend to try climbing. Just as I finished saying that bouldering was safe, the hold spun, and I fell and missed the crash pad. I broke 3 bones in my hand, and my girlfriend still won't go climbing. (NR)

14) After being at the crag for hours needing to use the restroom. I quickly dropped and took a squat. Finishing up I seemed too relaxed and peed all over my shorts and me. Having to do the walk of shame threw camp with everybody cracking up at piss boy was great. lol (DF)

15) I was working on a dyno from crimps to a huge hueco jug and had been spit off every time. My last huck of the day I stuck the dyno, but came down with the hold and a good portion of the wall, and a broken tailbone. (BJ)

16) OK... So, I was bouldering with a friend out in Sedona Arizona. This place is so beautiful with its red sandstone and really lush green trees. The name of the area is the anvils. Not a ton of rock but what's there is pretty good quality. In the background there is a little river to drown out the noise of anyone or thing in the area. Well, we had been putting a pretty good day in and hitting most of the good boulders. My friend was getting on this one problem and it has a really HIGH high-step. As he was moving his leg up we both heard a ripping sound. This was no small rip! He had torn his shorts on the seem about 7 inches! Now my friend has a habit of free balling as many of us do... just is a little more comfortable that way! When I looked up I got the clearest view of his JUNK! More then I ever needed to see of my friend! There are just parts of people you don't need to or want to see.
This wasn't the easiest of moves and he could have fallen but HOW was I supposed to spot him with everything flapping in the breeze? Luckily he got to the top and topped it out and I could open my eyes and put my hands down. I think I'm scarred for life! (SM)

17) So i took a girl that i met on a date to the crag, thinking it would be something new and exciting rather than a movie or something. anyways, we get there and i see my ex who is an avid climber, there at the same spot. fuck. were taking turns belaying and everything was going just fine. it was my turn to climb so i started my ascent. halfway up, i look down to see my ex talking to the new chick and i hear "he took me to this same place on OUR first date too. needless to say, the new chick never called me back. sick burn (RV)

18) Well, one fine night, me and the boys were having a session when one of the hottest chicks I have ever seen walk in. well, i decide its my time to shine, I hop up on one of the hardest problems that was set at the time, which had a nice dyno at the very top. well, being that I couldn't do the start for the life of me, I start halfway up. lets just say dynos aren't the best of times when they end up with you leaving in a ambulance with a broken arm and the hot chick laughing at you, (RV)

Congrats and thanks for all of the entries


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